you don't need to be stuck in the past.
posted January 4, 2017 | the review by Abigail Fagan
For many world raised in abusive, neglectful, or dysfunctional families, the post "you made her bed, now lie in it" is a typical life philosophy taught and supported throughout childhood.
You are watching: Make your bed and lie in it
It’s a message typically passed under from one generation come the next, particularly when there to be prior victimization or helplessness. This perspective gets normalized and also subsequent generations stop difficult its legitimacy. Instead, the id is that there are minimal choices in life and once castle made, you’re stuck to them. Even worse, over there is the belief that leaving an old “bed” in search of a far better one is irresponsible, selfish, or immature.
Limiting your options is a powerful and devastating mantra because it discounts many of the simple rights you possess as a person being. Those rights include reevaluating her choices and also decisions in life, an altering your mind and your food of action to complement ongoing or transforming circumstances. The necessary decisions girlfriend made always occurred within a specific life context:
Maybe friend felt pressured come accommodate various other people.Or maybe you to be unconsciously replaying what to be modeled and normalized because that you in childhood.
The fact is, the personal, academic, and also professional decisions that met your requirements 5, 10, or twenty years ago might be fully irrelevant to your life today. Presently, her eyes may be opened in ways like never ever before. Probably you"ve tapped right into a creative, curious, or adventurous component of yourself that wasn’t available in the past; and also that brand-new part has really different needs and desires. Possibly you"ve simply outgrown those choices previously do that once served you well. Perhaps you’ve come to realize that you deserve more or deserve to be treated with better love and respect. The bottom heat is you need to never be permanently stuck with a choice that worked in the past but is no longer useful, relevant, productive, or for sure in the present.
You have the right to leave the “bed” and discover a new one that truly reflects who girlfriend are and also what you currently need and also desire. This is particularly important as soon as you do those prior decision under push or stress. Or you uncover that you‘ve actually been lying on a harmful “bed of nails.” The brand-new year is a organic time because that inward reflection, re-evaluating decisions and choices, and enabling yourself to decide if they still work for you or if the time to do something different.
Anyone who insists that you should forever continue to be with your original choices is asking you to continue to be frozen in time. They might push the idea because it meets your own personal agenda or needs without considering the impact that it’s having on you and your life. Human being can be rapid to weigh in, also when you haven’t request for your opinion. They’ll offer you advice around what they think is in your finest interests. They could make scan statements and judgments about your life also when lock don’t understand the entirety story. They could be out of touch with your present needs and also feelings or the toll your options take on her physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental health.
It’s so essential for girlfriend to trust your own instincts and also inner wisdom. A true sign of an ever-evolving human is one who have the right to look ago and identify the numerous “beds” they obtained to try out, live in for a time, and then move on from. Hopefully, you will take on the idea that this is the healthiest and also most productive way to live your life!
Share v us a time as soon as you were able come let go of the id that “you made your bed, currently lie in it.”
Adapted from “Finding your Ruby Slippers: Transformative Life Lessons from the Therapist’s Couch," through Lisa Ferentz, LCSW-C, DAPA.
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Lisa Ferentz, LCSW-C, DAPA, is a clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and also the founder that the institute for advanced Psychotherapy Training and also Education.
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